Candy I Will Never Make Again, Part II

I am pleased to present Act II of Candy I Will Never Make Again. This candy was not planned. We really wanted to make Butterscotch Haystacks. For those of you who have been under a rock, haystacks are made with crunchy chow mein noodles and melted butterscotch chips. After mixing in all up, you drop them into...wait for it, little "haystacks". No, I haven't been drinking but that might help. So, I guess we waited late about getting the chow mein noodles. A week ago we began our search. On Monday my husband visited the 11th grocery store. Sold out again. I had no idea that these little treats were that popular. Maybe it's just the ease of making them, who knows. All I knew was that I had butterscotch chips and nothing to do with them. This afternoon I turned to my husband and said what about popcorn. "For what?" "For the haystacks silly." "Hmm, yeah I guess. You could call them 'popstacks'." After graciously, OK not so graciously, popping my popcorn (I have microwavable popcorn issues) off he goes to his brother's house. Good thing. I had, let's just say a fit, over these stupid little "popstacks".

First of all, my butterscotch would not melt properly. No worries, a little shortening will fix that. No dice. That's weird. Oh well, onward. I should have seen this as a sign to abandon ship immediately and make more fudge. I dumped the glop of hot butterscotch into a big bowl, mixed it up. Everything looked fine so far. Then, I tried to drop it into little balls. OMG!!! It would not stick together. Ok, what am I'm going to do? The captain goes down with the ship right? After several minutes of pleading the popcorn to hold together with my hand and a spoon, I got out my ice cream scooper. I packed the mixture using the back of a spoon and carefully plopped the little domes out. Seemed OK, for about 3 min. Oh well, I got probably a dozen, very fragile, clementine sized mounds.

They are very tasty, buttery and sweet. Not worth it to me though. It probably took 2 years off my life and if you factor in college and working with teenagers everyday I don't have that many more years to waste.

Makes ~1 dozen mounds

11oz butterscotch chips, melted
2 (3.3oz) bags popcorn, popped and cooled.

1. Mix the ingredients together and somehow, magically form little mounds on wax paper. (I used the packed ice cream scoop/pleading method)

Candy I Will Never Make Again, Part I

Let me start off by saying that today is just not my day, at least culinarily speaking. Take this post for instance. I've been meaning to update for days now and finally worked up the motivation to actually do it today. I began by looking for my laptop. I looked everywhere. Where could it be? Oh, my husband must have taken it to my brother-in-law's. OK, no problem, I'll use my internet tablet. My little case is not on its hook. Grrr, I must have left it in the car when we went out for lunch. Blood pressure starting to rise. OK, who am I kidding. My blood pressure is through the roof over the stupid popcorn (Part 2) but we'll get to that.

So, I proceed to drag the kerosene heater into our office. Oh, yeah, we heat primarily with kerosene which is still over $4/gal here. Needless to say, we don't heat the entire house, hence my initial search for a portable typing device. Finally, after lugging the heater over to my desk and lighting the thing I plop down in my chair. WTF! Where is my keyboard....on the media center in the living room? Yep, freaking men. Determined now, I move the heater, lit (don't ever do this), over to the far side of the divided room and my husband's desk. I hate using his computer by the way. I'm sure it is just full of nasties. He never even updates it or anything and the fan grinds like it's trying to break out of the case. Software engineers, bah.

On to the main story. Candy I Will Never Make Again, Act I. I make a fair bit of candy, albeit my reluctance with the candy thermometer. I make a s%@#t load of cookies. You would think I'd be used to trying kitchen situations. Nope. Anyone who has ever cooked with me, and the count is very few, will tell you that I have a short fuse. This gingerbread incited me to shove my General Tso's chicken box, complete with fork, 2 jars of sauerkraut, 3 boxes of gnocchi, and a 4 cup measuring cup all the way down the counter into the microwave, prompting my dogs to exit the room stage left. Despite all that I am not a violent person, I swear. It's just when you so badly want something to go right, need it to, and it doesn't no matter how you coax it, well...I'm sure you've had those days.

Lebkuchen is a traditional gingerbread of Germany. I needed this for Christmas, emphasis on the NEED. I substituted zest for citron which I find rather bitter and omitted the almonds because my nephew is allergic. Other than that it was by the book, almost...This gingerbread, this $#%#@ gingerbread. My husband has forbade me to ever make it again. It didn't seem that difficult, chill overnight, roll it out and place into a prepared pan. No biggie, I've made gingerbread men many times. Wait, I forgot to tell you, as my recipe also neglected to inform me, with about 1 tablespoon more honey you could market the batter as an industrial strength bonding agent. Roll it out, yeah right. I added probably a cup more flour than it called for and it was still too sticky to roll out. I probably ruined my antique rolling pin that has seen 3 generations of biscuits, not really but it felt like it at the time. I will most likely never get it off of a silver platter near the sink, which should not be near the sink getting wet and piled with dirty dishes in the first place. To Hell with the instructions of not to press it into the pan because it will become tough and dense.

It seemed fine to me and the baking bread smelled like Christmas. I was completely surprised that it almost doubled in volume in the oven with such few leaveners. After cooling, it was chewy and dense but not in a bad way. The flavors of ginger and cinnamon really came through. Good, but I'll stick to traditional gingerbread cookies and preserve what little sanity I have left.

Makes 24 bars

Bars

¾ c. honey
½ c. brown sugar
1 egg
2 tsp each chopped lemon and orange zest
2¼ c. flour
¼ tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cloves
3 tbsp diced crystallized ginger

1. In a 2 cup measuring cup, bring the honey and brown sugar to a boil in microwave. Stir well and cool until barely warm.
2. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients and stir until well combined.
3. Cover and chill overnight.
4. Preheat oven to 350°F.
5. Lightly grease a 13x9" baking dish.
6. Press the batter into the baking dish evenly.
7. Bake ~ 20 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean.
8. Remove from the oven and immediately brush with the glaze. Allow the glaze to soak in between coats.
9. Cool completely, and then cut into bars.

Glaze

6 tbsp apple juice
1 c. powdered sugar

1. Combine the juice and powdered sugar and mix until smooth.

Holiday Ribbon Fudge

With every mishap comes a brilliant ray of hope and renewal. Look for my adventures with popstacks and Lebkuchen to be posted soon. That aside, I have found my new favorite thing to make: Fudge. This is not your grandmother's recipe and no, it's not the best you've ever tasted, at least I hope not, but it will make you appear a much better kitchen master than you really are. I recently suggested this to one of my friends that has more kids than time. I swear it only takes about 10 min, not including cooling time.

I was in some grocery store or another a few weeks ago. I never seem to shop at the same one. Anyway, I passed by a center aisle display of holiday baking supplies. I did a double take and walked a few steps backward. One of the condensed milk cans was facing the wrong way and I had glimpsed a recipe on the back. Chocolate and Eagle Brand for fudge? I had never heard of that combination but it started me thinking. It made sense, I mean after all you make ganache with cream and chocolate, hell, even truffles in the right proportions. I had to try it.

I really have no idea what the recipe on the can actually was. Nowadays I usually only glance at the ingredients to decide whether I can make/would like something like that or not. The only thing stuck in my mind was chocolate and sweetened condensed milk. Making cream pies has its benefits. I had 14oz of sweetened condensed milk in my freezer at home. All I needed was the chocolate. I choose milk chocolate thinking that semi-sweet would be too strong. Looking back, semi-sweet would have been fine, especially for fudge lovers.

The day I made my first batch I was in a particularly strong holiday mode. Instead of using all of the milk chocolate that I had purchased for this occasion I opted to festively color some white baking chocolate or almond bark. It's super easy. Just melt down the blocks or chips, drip in some coloring and layer into a wax paper lined baking dish. I have since made some chocolate/peanut butter fudge using this same method. It was a hit. Both batches came out silky and dense with a hint of milky flavor. Below is the recipe for holiday ribbon fudge but feel free to experiment with different flavor combinations.

Makes ~2 lbs of fudge

1 (14oz) can sweetened condensed milk, divided
1 (11oz) bag of milk or semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 (11oz) bag of white chocolate chips
1 tsp vanilla extract, divided
red food coloring
green food coloring
wax paper

1. Line an 8x8" baking dish with wax paper. Set aside.
2. In a small microwave-safe bowl, combine half of the condensed milk and the milk chocolate chips. Don't worry about stirring at this point.
3. Heat for 30 sec intervals in the microwave on HIGH until melted. Stir well after each interval. If the mixture becomes clumpy, add solid vegetable shortening in 1/2 tsp increments until the mixture becomes fluid and glossy.
4. In a separate bowl, repeat for melting the white chocolate.
5. Stir 1/2 tsp vanilla into each bowl.
6. To the white chocolate add 3-4 drops of each food coloring. Stir very slightly (1 or 2 circles of the bowl) with a knife. The colors will ribbon as you pour it into the prepared pan.
7. Begin layering the chocolate mixtures into the prepared dish. Do not stir. Just pour one on top of the other. Keep in mind that the bottom of the dish will be the top of the fudge.
8. Once all chocolate as been poured in, rap the dish on the counter several times to settle the fudge.
9. Cover the surface of the fudge with wax paper.
10. Let cool completely at room temperature, 2-3 hours.
11. Once cooled and set, turn the dish upside down and slowly pull the fudge out using the wax paper to grip.
12. Remove all paper and place the fudge bottom side up on a cutting surface.
13. Cut into small squares.
14. Store covered at room temperature.

Almost Gianduia Biscotti

Sitting here at work with my eyes blurry from lack of sleep I was thinking intently about biscotti. Actually, more to the point, I was thinking about dunking biscotti into a nice, large mug of steaming, hot hazelnut latte. If I were Italian then my fantasy would probably include a nice glass of wine instead of coffee. But, alas, I'm not and I'm tired so my mind refuses to even admit the substitution.

I'll just have to wait until I get home this afternoon because I'm not, repeat am not, going to go to Starbucks and throw away $8. I could probably make at least 20 biscotti for that price. Matter of fact, I have some sitting on my counter right now from several weeks ago. They quite literally will keep forever especially in a cool house like mine. Back during Roman times these hard little cookies were the staples of soldiers and adventurers. "Hard" just about sums it up too.

After baking my first batch I had to check for poison. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone else dying because I neglected to check a batch of cookies. I just picked up a small piece, the scraggly ones are always sacrificed for the greater good, and proceeded to break out my front teeth. OK, I didn't actually chip any teeth but it sure felt like it for a second. Pressing on, I proceeded to bite chunks off with my jaw teeth and crunch the rock like biscuit to bits. Don't ask why I didn't make coffee or dip it in some milk or tea. I'm just weird like that and I honestly have no idea. Needless to say, my mouth was kind of abused that day but I was satisfied that, yes, I had avoided the poison and the batch was safe.

The next day, I made some hot tea and the biscotti was only better when dunked. The hot liquid infused the bread with flavor while slightly melting the chocolate. Somehow you could taste the flavor of the almonds more strongly even though the bread was now saturated with Lady Grey. It was really good.

I'm thinking seriously of making some biscotti with dried cherries, dark chocolate and pecans for Christmas. My previous batch with almonds and dark chocolate reminded me of Gianduia, that quintessential chocolate/hazelnut combination. You can pretty much use biscotti as a tabula rasa just like shortbread. Just keep in mind that with Italian biscotti 2 c. is about the limit with add-ins, especially nuts. Otherwise, the dough becomes too crumbly and will likely fall apart on you. If you find yourself too adventurous, try adding 2 tbsp water or oil and work it in until the dough holds up.

The recipe for this biscotti base comes from The King Arthur Cookie Companion. There is an entire chapter on biscotti; 22 pages, yeah that's right, 22 pages of biscotti. This is a great book full of tips, techniques, and both American and International treats. If you're into baking you should definitely check it out.

Makes 14 - 16 biscotti

2 eggs
2/3 c. sugar
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 c. all-purpose flour
1 c. dark chocolate chips (opt.)
1 c. whole natural almonds, roughly broken (opt.)

1. Preheat oven 350°F.
2. Lightly grease a large baking sheet. Set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, all ingredients except add-ins and flour until creamy and thin as pancake batter. Add water if necessary.
4. Slowly add flour until totally incorporated.
5. Stir in chocolate and nuts.
6. Transfer dough to prepared pan and shape it into a wide log roughly 14" long, 2 ½" wide and ¾" thick.
7. Smooth the top and sides with a wet scraper or spatula.
8. Bake 25 min.
9. Let cool on pan ~20 min. Then remove to cutting board.
10. Lightly sprinkle or spritz water over log to soften crust and make cutting easier. Wait 5 min.
11. Reduce oven to 325°F.
12. Cut biscotti into ½ - ¾" slices.
13. Set the biscotti upright on prepared pan ~½" apart.
14. Bake 25 min.
15. Remove from oven and cool completely on rack.
16. Store in an airtight container.

My Marshmallow Curiosity

My curiosity got the better of me yesterday. For weeks I had been wondering , "Are home-made marshmallows really THAT good?" An old friend passed along a recipe, a version of the Thomas Keller original, that was tempting but in a back burner kind of way. A few things were against the seemingly inevitable trial: 1. I don't really even like marshmallows. 2. Hot sugar and butter fingers just don't mix. 3. What will I do with 1 ½ lbs of marshmallows once made? Well, if curiosity had killed a cat before, it could definitely wreak my kitchen.

Last night, I spent the better part of 2 hours making, of all things, marshmallows. I'm talking powdered sugar everywhere. Earlier when I had mentioned my plan to my husband he goes, without missing a beat, "You know they sell those for cheap at the store, right?" Yes...but...I don't know; just humor me.

I guess I expected the heavens to open and bliss to rain from the sky. Turns out they were...eh. They tasted exactly like any other marshmallow that I had ever eaten, only ever so slightly softer. It's not the recipe. It was a good recipe and worked beautifully. In my opinion, it was just not worth the trouble. I heeded my friend's advice and cut back the original amount of 1 tbsp vanilla to 2 tsp but it still seemed strong to me. Perhaps go with 1 tsp if you make them and if you really like marshmallows go for it. Come on, you know you're curious.

Makes ~1 ½ lbs, 2-3 dozen depending on size

3 envelopes of unflavored gelatin
½ c. + ¼ c. cold water
2 c. granulated sugar
2/3 c. corn syrup
¼ tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract or other flavoring
Powdered sugar for dredging

1. In the bowl of an electric mixer, sprinkle gelatin over ½ c. cold water. Let stand 10 min.
2. Line a 13x9" baking or sheet pan with plastic wrap or foil. Grease thoroughly with vegetable oil. Set aside.
3. In a small saucepan, combine sugar, corn syrup, and remaining ¼ c. water. Bring to a boil and boil hard for 1 min. Do not stir at all once the sugar dissolves.
4. Pour boiling syrup onto gelatin and mix at Low speed for a few seconds then gradually speed up to High. If your mixer is flinging syrup, stay just below that speed until it stops and then turn it up. Do not let mixture cool too much before speeding up to High.
5. Once at High speed, add the salt and beat for 5-12 minutes. It's done when it looks like marshmallow cream and stops increasing in volume.
6. Add vanilla and incorporate into mixture.
7. Scrape into prepared 13x9" pan.
8. Take another piece of greased plastic wrap and press mixture into the pan, smoothing top and spreading evenly. Remove plastic wrap.
9. Let cool in pan for a few hours.
10. Carefully lift out marshmallow slab to work surface.
11. Sift powdered sugar evenly over slab to cover.
12. Cut into equal pieces with scissors, greased pizza cutter, knife, or simple cookie cutters.
13. Dredge each piece of marshmallow in powdered sugar.
14. Store in air tight container.

Pumpkin Cream Pie

I'm excited to share this recipe. I like sharing all my recipes but this one in particular makes me happy. Always for the holidays I ask my husband what he wants for dessert. Pumpkin pie, always. I continually feel compelled to ask even though I know what he wants. I think secretly I want him to request some kind of cake or fruit pie or even candy. Nope, always pumpkin pie. If you haven't guessed by now, I'm not really a huge fan of that festively orange concoction. The spice is too strong for me or something. I much prefer it's sweeter cousin, the sweet potato pie but that's another story.

This year I made a compromise. Yes, it is still pumpkin pie flavor but it's lighter and richer and in my opinion, and his surprisingly, yummier. I took my cream pie base and dressed it up so that it could go to the holiday party. Try it and let me know what you think.

Makes 1 - 9" pie, Serves ~ 8

4oz brown sugar-cinnamon cream cheese, softened
7oz sweetened condensed milk
1 c. milk
1 (5oz) box instant cheesecake pudding mix (I could only find sugar-free but I didn't taste any difference. Use 2 small boxes.)
7 oz canned pumpkin puree (~½ regular sized (15oz) can)
¼ tsp pure orange extract
¾ tsp pure vanilla extract
½ tsp ground cinnamon
¼ tsp freshly ground nutmeg
¼ tsp ground allspice
** 1 pre-baked 9" deep dish pie shell

1 c. (½ pint) heavy whipping cream
~1 tbsp powdered sugar (more or less to taste)
* 2 tbsp white decorators gel (optional)

1. Cream together the cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk.
2. Slowly add the milk. Stir well.
3. Add pudding mix, pumpkin, spices and flavorings.
4. Beat until the mixture becomes thickened. (~5 min)
5. Pour into pre-baked pie shell.
6. Chill at least 4 hours.

~2 hours before serving

1. Whip heavy cream until soft peaks form.
2. Add powdered sugar and whip until medium peaks form. Do not over beat.
3. Spread whipped cream evenly over filling.
4. Chill at least 1 hour.

** You can either purchase a pre-baked pie shell or blind bake one yourself. To blind bake means simply to bake without anything in it. You usually do this for pies, such as cream pies, in which the filling remains uncooked.

Festively Fall Pumpkin-Spice Mini Cupcakes

Let me tell you my apple story. Every Fall we go to northeastern Tennessee for vacation. Usually we do some hiking and camping but one of our favorite things about this season is the food, of course. Fall festivals abound around the country during this time of year, especially in a little nook of Tennessee known as Apple Country. If you're ever in the Erwin, TN area around the first of October make sure to check out their AppleFest. The little town has an excellent, several block display of everything Autumn, including the famous Blue Ridge Pottery. Local farmer's markets and hometown festivals are the best places to breathe in the warm, wafting, mingled fragrance of kettle corn, funnel cakes, caramel everything, sausages, earthy pumpkins and fresh, crisp apples.

My grandmother was an excellent cook in her heyday and one of her specialties was fried apple pies. Shortly before our trip last year I was visiting my Daddy and we were reminiscing about those pies. Off-handedly he said if we happened to see any dried apples to pick some up and he would take them to my grandmother. Let me translate for you: You better not come back from Apple Country without some dried apples. So, we did happen to see some, lots, at the Apple Barn in Sevierville. A cell call later and we had 10 lbs, that's right - 10 lbs, of dried apples in our trunk. A couple weeks and about 450 miles later I showed up on my Daddy's doorstep with the requested apples. What?! You don't want them?! You all of a sudden don't think she can't cook anymore?!....but...I did call you and ask how much you wanted right?...but, it's 10 lbs of dried apples. Keep them, right, what am I going to do with 10 lbs of dried apples? To put this in prospective: There are roughly 3 fresh apples to a lb, 4 lbs of fresh apples makes 1 lb dried apples. 10 lbs dried apples = 120 fresh apples.

Luckily, dried apples keep very nearly forever. A year later, I still have over half of them. Which leads us to the cupcakes that I made last night. These little jewels scream Fall. An earthy, spiced cake with flecks of crystalline ginger and apples topped with lightly spiced, fruity cream cheese frosting. These would be great topped with buttercream frosting too. I can almost hear the festival vendors hawking their goods.

I was bound and determined to make these as minis, despite the fact that I don't have a mini cupcake pan. I just took a couple of my glass 13x9 baking dishes, lined up the little liners edge to edge and plopped the batter down into each using my mini cookie scoop. If you go this route, make sure not to touch the batter at all once it hits the liner because it has a tendency to collapse the cup. Don't worry, the batter ball will ooze down and settle as it bakes. I was pleasantly pleased with my results. The edges of tiny cakes were slightly warped and wavy, which somehow made them look fancier.

**A quick note about nutmeg. I am not usually the kind of cook that has to have this or that particular form of spice or salt. Freshly ground pepper, pure vanilla extract and freshly ground nutmeg are my exceptions. Freshly ground nutmeg has a totally different flavor, well not totally, but definitely different flavor notes than store bought ground. Pre-ground seems to be sharper without the fruity backnotes of the freshly ground. If you haven't tried grating it yourself you should, at least once. You could get one of those snazzy microplane graters, but why waste the money? I just lightly rub the whole nutmeg against the smallest holes on my box grater.

*** Remember, if you frost with cream cheese then you'll need to store the cupcakes in the fridge.

Makes ~5 dozen mini cupcakes (probably ~24 regular cupcakes)

1 box spice cake mix
1 tsp ground cinnamon
¼ tsp ground allspice
¼ tsp freshly grated nutmeg
1/8 tsp ground cloves
2 tbsp finely chopped crystallized ginger
¼ c. dried apples, finely chopped
1 c. canned pumpkin puree
½ c. butter, softened
3 eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven 350°.
2. Set up liners in a 13x9 baking dish (mine holds 24) or a mini cupcake pan.
3. Combine the cake mix, spices, ginger and apples. Stir well to incorporate the spices.
4. Add the pumpkin puree and butter. Stir until smooth.
5. Add the eggs and vanilla.
6. Beat until the batter is fluffy and smooth.
7. Fill each mini cupcake liner with about 2 tsp of batter. (Alternately, fill regular cupcake liners ½ - ¾ full)
8. Bake 24 minis 15 min or until a toothpick comes out clean. (I had to bake in shifts because my oven is relatively small.)
9. Remove to wire rack and cool completely.
10. Frost using my Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting, Vanilla Bean Buttercream Frosting or as desired.

Cake Memorabilia

I was going through some old pictures the other day and they brought back a lot of memories. I figured that I would share some of them on here. Hopefully you'll get a few laughs out of it.

The Smurf Cake, see the recipe here.

Wait, don't cut it! I don't have a picture yet.

Yes, that is supposed to be a pumpkin.

Just a really weird cake.

It does taste better covered in wax, thank you very much.

Hey, who put their shoes on the table?

A very girly girl cake, complete with fluttering butterflies.

This is what happens when you travel over 100 miles with a cheesecake in your trunk in order to share a birthday with a hippy in a hotel room. It was a great night.

Proof that cakes can be beautiful and tasty without frosting.

And finally, why drink rum when you can get drunk by eating it?

Rice Krispie Treats

I honestly don't know anyone who dislikes Rice Krispie Treats. How can you not like something with a name that contains the word "treat"? I know my Mom loved these; marginal cooking and extremely kid friendly. I mean, come on, can anyone say "Bake Sale"? There are many, many versions of these gooey wonders, some requiring way, way too much effort. I work just across from a bagel shop that sells giant, hunky squares of krispie marshmallow deliciousness as big as my hand. Back in the day, before adolescent dietary guidelines, the basket next to my lunch lady cashier was always full to the brim with tiny, slightly stale, cereal squares held together by what must have been a marshmallow substitute complete with plenty of high fructose corn syrup and trans fat. We as Americans love these squares of gooey goodness, for better or worse. I was completely surprised to learn recently that it's hard to find marshmallows in some countries. How can you not make or stock marshmallows? You need them for Rice Krispie Treats. You must have the Treats! Everyone loves the Treats!

As I seem to have had a slight stroke, probably from lack of sleep and copious amounts of caffeine and sugar, please bear with me. There is a recipe forthcoming, I promise. This concoction is almost totally straight from the cereal box. I seem to have a mental block when it comes to making these sweets though. I never can remember the right ratios and my little treats often tend to become super sweetened, buttered, crumbly cereal chunks. Not tasty. Thanks to David Lebovitz, however, I feel much more confident in my treat making ability. White chocolate, why did I never think of that? Aside from taste, the chocolate helps bind the other ingredients upon cooling, forming a structurally sound square. I use white almond bark, aka dipping/coating chocolate, because that's what I have in my pantry and I often have trouble finding white chocolate bars. Chips just don't melt right because of the lecithin, which is really the point of the additive anyway.

Makes 12-24 squares

1 ½ tbsp butter + enough to butter baking dish
1 square white almond bark, or 1 ½ oz white chocolate
5 oz mini marshmallows
3 c. Rice Krispies cereal

1. Butter an 8x8 square baking dish.
2. Place the butter in a medium-sized, microwave safe bowl. Heat until melted, ~30 sec on High.
3. Add the almond bark, or chocolate, to the butter. Continue heating at 30 sec intervals until just melted. Stir to combine.
4. Add the marshmallows and heat until puffed up and gooey, ~1 min on High. Stir until smooth.
5. Add the Rick Krispies. Stir well to coat completely.
6. Scrape mixture into prepared pan, cover loosely with plastic wrap, and press firmly into pan.
   
7. Cover. Allow to cool and firm up.
8. Cut into bars or squares. I've found that a metal spatula works great for this purpose.

Buttery Birthday Cake

I make a lot of cakes. As my friends and I have gotten older and moved away from our parents, store bought cakes have become the norm. I feel guilty somehow to let my loved ones cut into a cake made without love on a special occasion. I, therefore, volunteer to make birthday, graduation, anniversary, and baby shower cakes, not to mention selling a cake here and there. I'm explaining all this so that you can share my annoyance and dismay when, last night, it took me 6 hours and 2 attempts to finish one two-layer birthday cake. Yes, you read it right, six hours. To put this into perspective, it took me 12 hours to make my three-tiered wedding cake, including decoration.

The main reason that my first attempt cake failed were the crappy baking pans. These happen to be my "new" pans, replacements for my old trusty ones. For some reason, I felt that my no-name, consistently good pans were sub par to Wilton brand ones. Wilton is THE name in baking, right? I purchased 2 round cake pans and 1 baking sheet. All of these are crap. They burn food, cook unevenly and tout themselves to be extremely non-stick, although food always sticks, even with greasing. I unsuccessfully pulled out all the tricks trying to make these pans work, including lowering temperatures and cooking times. The pans have been relegated to expensive garlic toast makers.















All of that aside, this butter cake was a birthday gift for one of my friends. (I love you man or I would have totally bought one of those grocery store cakes.) My second attempt, using my trusty, scratched-up, no-name pans was successful. I used a recipe from the Cake Bible for the actual cake and frosted it with my own Speedy Vanilla Bean Frosting. The cake itself is dense, buttery and melt-in-your-mouth if ever so slightly dry, although my friends were polite enough to disagree. The vanilla bean lends a perfumey, heady quality to the frosting that makes such a simple combination come alive and seem exotic.

We are children of the 80s and need our bursts of color. Our mothers injected enough food coloring into our little bodies so that if our birthday cake isn't some shade of cartoon character then we feel deprived. This cake was actually much more elegant before I chose to make it Smurf colored. But, hey, what are you going to do? At least we weren't born a decade earlier; the whole cake would have been a psychedelic, liquor-infused jello concoction and probably topped with coconut.

Makes one 9", 2 or 3 layer cake

6 egg yolks
1 c. milk
2¼ tsp vanilla
3 c. sifted cake flour
1½ c. sugar
1 tbsp + 1 tsp baking powder
¾ tsp salt
12 tbsp (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened

1. Preheat oven 350°F.
2. Grease and flour cake pans.
3. In a medium bowl, lightly combine egg yolks, ¼ c. milk, and vanilla.
4. In a separate bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Mix on low for 30 sec to blend.
5. Add butter and ¾ c. milk to the dry ingredients.
6. Mix on low until moistened. Increase speed to medium (high if using hand mixer) and beat for 1½ min.
7. Scrape down sides and add egg mixture in thirds, beating after each addition.
8. Pour batter into prepared pans, smoothing the surface.
9. Bake 25-35 min or until a toothpick comes out clean.
10. Cool in pans for 10 min, then cool completely on wire rack.
11. Frost as desired.

Speedy Vanilla Bean Buttercream Frosting

After my cake catastrophe, I didn't have time to make my planned Italian Buttercream Frosting. Last night, I just could not fathom making a syrup, streaming it into egg yolks and slowly adding butter to emulsify the whole thing. I wanted something quick, easy and preferably requiring only one bowl because after 2 cakes, most of my mixing bowls were in the dishwasher.

This modified method served my purpose well, providing me with a smooth, creamy frosting, if not exactly traditional. Matter of fact, most cooks usually use this method because true buttercreams are so time consuming. This method does leave you with a very light and very sweet frosting. I find that warming the half and half helps dissolve the sugar, making the frosting creamier. This frosting will keep about a week at room temperature and even longer in the fridge. If it is as hot and humid there as it is here, chilling it will make the frosting easier to work with. If you do decide to chill it, remember that the frosting will become stiffer because the butter will solidify some. You can either beat it lightly before using or add additional liquid to make it spreadable if you intend on keeping it cold. However you store it, cover the frosting tightly to prevent it from becoming crusty and dry.

Makes ~2 c., enough to frost one 9", 2 layer cake

1 c. butter, softened
4 c. powdered sugar
3 tbsp half & half
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 vanilla bean, scraped

1. Using a mixer, cream butter until light and fluffy.
2. Slowly add powdered sugar.
3. Continue beating until smooth.
4. Place half & half in a very small bowl or teacup.
5. Add vanilla bean caviar to half & half, then warm in microwave 15 sec on HIGH.
6. Add vanilla extract and half & half mixture to the creamed mixtured.
7. Beat to incorporate.

Fabulous Kahlua Brownies

Unfortunately for some, I'm not speechless very often. Being speechless is a very odd sensation, like your brain just suddenly went on vacation. You open your mouth meaning to say something, what, you have no idea. You close it again...open, nothing. If you've never experienced it yourself then you probably think I'm crazy but that's OK. I can take it. Last night, I was speechless. This weekend I'm having some friends over and I decided to make a cookie tray. I know brownies aren't exactly cookies but bear with me. So, of course, I had to make sure that what I was serving wasn't going to be poison or anything, hence the missing squares. Now, I have at least 3 very good brownie recipes. I make brownies EVERY year for the stupid Christmas party at work. Cut into little fingers, drizzled with melted chocolate and topped with candy, these never fail to astound my coworkers. Yes, people, brownies can be cut into fingers. They don't have to be squares. It's not rocket science here, not even advanced chemistry. This brownie though...my mouth just worked like a fish out of water, speechless. When my voice came back I turned to my husband and said, "pretty good, huh?". All he could do was nod.

This recipe is a variation from King Arthur Flour. It's fudgy and at the same time cakey. A contradiction in terms, maybe, but trust me, they are really, really good. You can double this if you like. Not a fan of Kahlua? Then just leave it out.

Makes 1 dozen 2" brownies

1/2 c. butter, melted
1 c. + 2 tbsp sugar
1/2 c. + 2 tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 tbsp Kahlua
2 eggs
3/4 c. all-purpose flour
1/2 c. walnuts, chopped or broken
1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips (toss with 1 tbsp flour to help prevent sinking)

1. Preheat oven 350 F (325 F, glass)
2. Grease a 8x8" baking dish, set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, heat the butter and sugar on HIGH at 30 sec intervals in the microwave until hot but not boiling.
4. Stir well to help dissolve the sugar.
5. It won't all dissolve.
6. Stir in the cocoa, salt, baking powder, vanilla and Kahlua.
7. Add the eggs and continue stirring. The batter will start to become shiny and uniform.
8. Stir in the flour, just until combined well.
9. Add the nuts and chocolate chips.
10. Stir only until you no longer see any flour. Over-stirring will defeat the purpose of flouring the chips.
11. Bake 25-30 min or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean and the center is set.
12. Cool in pan and then cut into desired squares...or fingers!

Cookies and Cream Pie

Creamy, rich, smooth and cold. I have found this pie to be very crowd pleasing. This recipe can be modified for a wide variety of flavors. Change the pudding mix and extract to suit your fancy. I've made Coconut Cream, Banana Cream, Strawberry Cream, Strawberry-Banana Cream, on and on, with equally good results. For a super luscious Chocolate Cream Pie, melt 4oz of chocolate and blend it into the condensed milk before creaming. For fillings without pieces, i.e. not this particular variation, you can ensure a silky texture by forcing the filling through a sieve just before adding it to the pie shell.

Makes 1 - 9" pie, Serves ~ 8

4oz cream cheese, softened
7oz sweetened condensed milk
1 c. milk
1 (5oz) box instant cookies and cream pudding mix
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
** 1 pre-baked 9" deep dish pie shell

1 c. (½ pint) heavy whipping cream
~1 tbsp powdered sugar (more or less to taste)
* 2 tbsp white decorators gel (optional)

1. Cream together the cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk.
2. Slowly add the milk. Stir well.
3. Add pudding mix and vanilla.
4. Beat until the mixture becomes thickened. (~5 min)
5. Pour into pre-baked pie shell.
6. Chill at least 4 hours.

~2 hours before serving

1. Whip heavy cream until soft peaks form.
2. Add powdered sugar and whip until medium peaks form. Do not over beat.
3. Spread whipped cream evenly over filling.
4. Chill at least 1 hour.

* If you live in a particularly hot and/or humid area then you may want to stabilize the whipped cream to help prevent melting or weeping. This can be easily done by adding white decorators gel just before you beat the cream to medium peaks.

** You can either purchase a pre-baked pie shell or blind bake one yourself. To blind bake means simply to bake without anything in it. You usually do this for pies, such as cream pies, in which the filling remains uncooked.

1. Preheat the oven to 375°F.
2. Prick the inner surface, including the sides, all over with a fork. This allows steam to escape and insures your nice shape remains nice.
3. Combine the white of 1 egg with 1 tsp water.
4. Gently brush the edges with the egg white mixture.
5. Sprinkle the rim lightly with sugar. (Skip this step for savory pies.)
6. Form a circle of aluminum foil and place inside the shell.
7. Fill the foil enclosure with either uncooked rice or dry beans.
8. Press down slightly on the filler.
9. Place the pie shell on a cookie sheet and bake 10-12 min or until the crust begins to turn golden.
10. Carefully remove the filler by grasping the edges of the foil and lifting the entire package out.
11. Continue baking the shell 2-5 min or until dry. If the edges begin to over-brown loosely cover the shell with a sheet of foil.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Pining for some comfort food this week, I returned to a long loved recipe of mine. Nothing says comfort like warm, oozy chocolate nestled in a crisp, buttery cookie. I tend to blend my chocolate, half bittersweet (60%) and half semi-sweet. I like the Ghirardelli brand. I feel that they offer a good, even chocolate. For a refreshing holiday cookie, I add ½ c. Andes peppermint chips to the batter. This time, I also threw in some walnuts, because they're good for your HDL cholesterol, of course; no other reason.

This dough freezes beautifully. Just scoop by tablespoons onto some wax paper and freeze about 20 min. You can then place them into a freezer bag and, ta-dah, easier and tastier than break-and-bake store bought cookies. Very convenient for unexpected guests; nothing says home like the wafting fragrance of baking cookies. You can bake them straight from frozen, just add 2-3 min, depending on your oven, to the cooking time.

On a tangent, for the longest time I didn't have a cookie scoop. I felt like this was a wasted expense and my tbsp measuring spoon and a trusted dinner spoon were more than adequate. And they were, for years. I happened to be in one of my browsing/buying moods recently at a local kitchen store and decided what the heck. When I got home, opened my shopping bag and pulled out my brand new $8 cookie scoop, I felt, well, embarrassed. It looked like a mini ice cream scooper. What on earth was I thinking? I love it though. My hands no longer get covered with gooky batter and my cookies are even more uniform than ever. Think about investing in one if you make a lot of cookies.

Makes 2 dozen

1 c. + 2 tbsp all-purpose flour, unsifted
½ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
½ c. unsalted butter, softened
¼ c. + 2 tbsp granulated sugar
¼ c. + 2 tbsp dark brown sugar, packed
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 egg
1 c. chocolate chips (semi-sweet, bittersweet, milk, or a blend)
½ c. walnuts or pecans, chopped (optional)

1. Preheat oven 375°F.
2. In a small bowl, stir together flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
3. In a medium mixing bowl, cream butter and sugars together until light and fluffy.
4. Add vanilla and egg.
5. Mix well to incorporate.
6. Gradually add dry mixture into creamed mixture.
7. Stir in chips and nuts, if desired.
8. Drop by tablespoons onto an ungreased cookie sheet. (I bake on waxed paper for easy transfer between batches.)
9. Bake 9-11 min or until cookies begin to turn golden around edges. Let stand 1 min on baking sheet before removing to cooling rack. If using wax paper, simply slide the entire sheet off the baking pan onto the counter.

Not Quite New York Style Cheesecake

I thought that it would be fitting to serve cheesecake this week in tribute to the XXIX (29th) Olympic Games (Modern Era). Many historians attribute cheesecake to the Greeks, although the art of cheese-making can be traced back as far as 2,000 B.C. A form of cheesecake was served to athletes during the first Olympic Games held in 776 B.C. This cheesecake would likely have been vastly different from what we consider cheesecake today. In antiquity, bread and cake were somewhat interchangeable words with the term "cake" being used for smaller breads. The Romans conquered the Greeks around 146 B.C. This is when cheesecake begins its long voyage to becoming what we know today.

The first "modern" recipe for cheesecake was recorded in 230 A.D. and it basically consisted of a 2:1 ratio of pureed, strained fresh cheese and wheat flour, which was then sweetened with honey. Sometimes an egg was added to help leaven the bread. The Romans often used this type of cake, called libum or placenta, in their temples as an offering to the gods. In 393 A.D., the Roman emperor Theodosius I, a Christian, abolished the Olympic Games because of their pagan influences. Meanwhile, cheesecake was spreading across the continent with conquering Roman armies, all the while becoming more transformed. Around 1000 A.D. cheesecake finally made its way to Britain and western Europe. In 1035 cheese-makers in Neufchatel-en-Bray, France began producing a soft unripened cheese that would totally change cheesecake forever. This cheese became simply known as Neufchatel in 1543.

Leaps and bounds were made in 1872 when cream cheese was invented by an American dairyman named William Lawrence of Chester, New York who accidentally developed a method of producing cream cheese while trying to reproduce Neufchatel. He called his new cheese PHILADELPHIA Brand Cream Cheese. Twenty four year later, during the first week of April 1896, the first modern Olympic Games opened, bringing us full circle from that early Greek cheesecake served to the first Olympians to a new generation of Games amidst a revolution in cheesecake making. Shortly after, in 1912, Kraft invented pasteurized cheese which lead to the development of pasteurized Philadelphia Brand cream cheese, which Kraft bought the rights to in 1928. It is now the most popular cheese used for making cheesecake.

After Lawrence's discovery, cheesecakes became very popular in New York. New Yorkers referred to the cheesecakes made there as "New York Cheesecake", hence the term. True New York Cheesecake lovers will only consume it in its unadulterated form: pure cream cheese, cream, eggs, and sugar. While not truly "traditional" this recipe makes for a lovely cheesecake.

Quite a few home cooks have difficulty making cheesecakes; they crack, fall or form a crust on top. This leads many to needlessly shy away from making cheesecake at home. What you need to understand is that first and foremost, cheesecake as it's known today is a custard. Custards cannot be treated the same way as cakes. There are primarily 4 reasons why cheesecakes fail: too much liquid, cooling too fast after cooking (need 2-3 hrs cooling on counter and then 8 hrs in fridge), rough handling, and fluctuating oven temperatures. Custards and therefore cheesecakes need gentle, consistent heat when cooking. Do not open the oven door. I repeat, do not open the oven door. I know it's tempting, but just don't do it. Now, the common practice is to wrap a springform in foil and submerge it in a larger pan or springform while cooking. I have found this to be disastrous; the pans leak, the foil gets sodden and then drips all over. Not good. I have devised an easier way. Placing hot water directly underneath the cheesecake serves the same purpose of creating a moist, even heat without all of the sodden, half water/half batter dripping pan mess. I use a food processor because it makes fast, easy work of the blending. You could, however, make this recipe using a hand mixer or even a wooden spoon. This cheesecake will hold well in the fridge for at least a week before serving.

Makes 1 - 10" cheesecake, ~ 16 slices

2 c. graham cracker crumbs
½ c. granulated sugar
½ c. butter, melted
¼ tsp cinnamon

2 (8oz) packages cream cheese, softened
2 eggs
2/3 c. sour cream, room temperature
½ c. half-and-half, room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 c. powdered sugar, sifted
1 tbsp all-purpose flour

1. Place oven racks nearest the middle of oven. Fill a casserole dish half full of hot water and place on lower rack.
2. Preheat oven 325°F.
3. In a medium size bowl, stir together graham cracker crumbs, and next 3 ingredients.
4. Using your fingers, press the crumb mixture into 10" springform pan with removable sides. Form a thin crust, no thicker than ¼", on the bottom and about half way up the sides of the pan. Take care not to make the corners too thick. Reserve extra for another use, if needed.
5. Setup food processor with metal blade.
6. Add cream cheese to food processor and blend until smooth, about 30 seconds. Scrape down sides.
7. Add eggs, one at a time, pulsing a few times to incorporate. Scrape down sides.
8. Add sour cream, half-and-half, and vanilla.
9. Pulse until well blended.
10. Add powdered sugar and flour. Pulse 2-3 times until absorbed and smooth. Scrape sides and pulse a couple more times to make sure everything is well blended.
11. Remove blade and tap bowl a few times on counter to release air bubbles.
12. Let stand 2-3 min to allow air to escape.
13. Carefully pour cream cheese mixture onto prepared crust.
14. Bake 50 min on middle rack over water.
15. Turn off oven, without opening door. Let stand 1 hr in oven.
16. Remove to wire rack and let cool completely.
17. Chill at least 8 hrs or overnight.

Chill the cheesecake in the springform until ready to serve. About ½ hour before serving bring to room temperature. Carefully remove the springform, running a sharp knife around the edge if needed. Slice thinly. This can be done easily by using a damp, not dripping wet, knife or taunt, non-flavored dental floss. Clean the knife or floss with a paper towel between slices to keep everything neat and clean.

Most importantly, don't stress it. Someone once told me that the true mark of a home-made cheesecake is the cracking of the top. While my perfectionist nature doesn't allow me to believe this, sweetened sour cream or cherry pie filling will cover up any mishap.