Candy I Will Never Make Again, Part I

Let me start off by saying that today is just not my day, at least culinarily speaking. Take this post for instance. I've been meaning to update for days now and finally worked up the motivation to actually do it today. I began by looking for my laptop. I looked everywhere. Where could it be? Oh, my husband must have taken it to my brother-in-law's. OK, no problem, I'll use my internet tablet. My little case is not on its hook. Grrr, I must have left it in the car when we went out for lunch. Blood pressure starting to rise. OK, who am I kidding. My blood pressure is through the roof over the stupid popcorn (Part 2) but we'll get to that.

So, I proceed to drag the kerosene heater into our office. Oh, yeah, we heat primarily with kerosene which is still over $4/gal here. Needless to say, we don't heat the entire house, hence my initial search for a portable typing device. Finally, after lugging the heater over to my desk and lighting the thing I plop down in my chair. WTF! Where is my keyboard....on the media center in the living room? Yep, freaking men. Determined now, I move the heater, lit (don't ever do this), over to the far side of the divided room and my husband's desk. I hate using his computer by the way. I'm sure it is just full of nasties. He never even updates it or anything and the fan grinds like it's trying to break out of the case. Software engineers, bah.

On to the main story. Candy I Will Never Make Again, Act I. I make a fair bit of candy, albeit my reluctance with the candy thermometer. I make a s%@#t load of cookies. You would think I'd be used to trying kitchen situations. Nope. Anyone who has ever cooked with me, and the count is very few, will tell you that I have a short fuse. This gingerbread incited me to shove my General Tso's chicken box, complete with fork, 2 jars of sauerkraut, 3 boxes of gnocchi, and a 4 cup measuring cup all the way down the counter into the microwave, prompting my dogs to exit the room stage left. Despite all that I am not a violent person, I swear. It's just when you so badly want something to go right, need it to, and it doesn't no matter how you coax it, well...I'm sure you've had those days.

Lebkuchen is a traditional gingerbread of Germany. I needed this for Christmas, emphasis on the NEED. I substituted zest for citron which I find rather bitter and omitted the almonds because my nephew is allergic. Other than that it was by the book, almost...This gingerbread, this $#%#@ gingerbread. My husband has forbade me to ever make it again. It didn't seem that difficult, chill overnight, roll it out and place into a prepared pan. No biggie, I've made gingerbread men many times. Wait, I forgot to tell you, as my recipe also neglected to inform me, with about 1 tablespoon more honey you could market the batter as an industrial strength bonding agent. Roll it out, yeah right. I added probably a cup more flour than it called for and it was still too sticky to roll out. I probably ruined my antique rolling pin that has seen 3 generations of biscuits, not really but it felt like it at the time. I will most likely never get it off of a silver platter near the sink, which should not be near the sink getting wet and piled with dirty dishes in the first place. To Hell with the instructions of not to press it into the pan because it will become tough and dense.

It seemed fine to me and the baking bread smelled like Christmas. I was completely surprised that it almost doubled in volume in the oven with such few leaveners. After cooling, it was chewy and dense but not in a bad way. The flavors of ginger and cinnamon really came through. Good, but I'll stick to traditional gingerbread cookies and preserve what little sanity I have left.

Makes 24 bars

Bars

¾ c. honey
½ c. brown sugar
1 egg
2 tsp each chopped lemon and orange zest
2¼ c. flour
¼ tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cloves
3 tbsp diced crystallized ginger

1. In a 2 cup measuring cup, bring the honey and brown sugar to a boil in microwave. Stir well and cool until barely warm.
2. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients and stir until well combined.
3. Cover and chill overnight.
4. Preheat oven to 350°F.
5. Lightly grease a 13x9" baking dish.
6. Press the batter into the baking dish evenly.
7. Bake ~ 20 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean.
8. Remove from the oven and immediately brush with the glaze. Allow the glaze to soak in between coats.
9. Cool completely, and then cut into bars.

Glaze

6 tbsp apple juice
1 c. powdered sugar

1. Combine the juice and powdered sugar and mix until smooth.

Mulled Apple Cider

I've been making this during the holidays for several years now. It's super easy and seems to be crowd pleasing. You can make it in a crockpot, which is my preferred method, or on the stovetop. This year I made way more than we needed for Thanksgiving and so I have almost a gallon in my fridge. I developed this really bad cough with everyone over spreading around their nasty foreign germs. Sucking down cough drops to get to sleep has irritated both my throat and my tongue. This cider seems to be one of the only things that soothes the irritation and I can't help but feel like the goodness of the apples helps crutch up my immune system. Aside from being witch-doctorish medicinal it is really tasty and refreshing both steaming hot and cold straight out of the fridge. I'm going to freeze maybe a half gallon to take along with us when we go to my brother-in-law's at Christmas. I have no don't that it will freeze well once strained but I'll get back with you on that.

Makes ~1 gallon, can be doubled

1 gal apple cider
1/3 -½ c. maple syrup, depending on taste
3 or 4 - 4" cinnamon sticks, broken
1 tsp whole allspice berries
1 tsp whole cloves
1 tsp vanilla extract OR 1 vanilla bean, split
1 orange, unpeeled, sliced

Place all ingredients in crockpot or large non-reactive pot. Any leftover cider can be added in later or saved for another use.
Heat in crockpot on HIGH ~2 hrs.
If using stovetop method; bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer ~10 min. Remove pot from heat and let stand ~15 min before serving.
Keep warm not more than 8 hrs. Cider will become bitter if heated too long.

Spiced Cream Cheese Frosting

Makes ~2 cups; enough to frost 24 regular cupcakes, 60 mini cupcakes, a 2 or 3 layer cake

8oz cream cheese, softened
¼ c. butter, softened
1 lb powdered sugar
1 tbsp + 1 tsp orange juice
1/8 tsp nutmeg
½ tsp ground cinnamon

1. Combine the cream cheese and butter. Cream until light and fluffy.
2. Add the powdered sugar, nutmeg and cinnamon. Beat until smooth.
3. Add the orange juice and continue beating until smooth and fluffy.
4. You can chill the frosting at this point and rebeat slightly just before using. You can also heavily chill the frosting and then whip. If you decide to whip the frosting if must remain thoroughly chilled up to the point of serving.

Snickerdoodles

These crisp, yet chewy, cookies are a definite favorite around our house. The smell of sweet cinnamon has been know to draw people from across the house. These are so popular that you may want to make a double batch. My last batch was 6 dozen and they were all gone in one day! Be careful not to overbake or the cookies will lose their chewiness. Plan ahead; don't skimp on the 1 hour chilling time.

Makes ~1 ½ dozen

½ c. butter, softened
1 c. sugar + 2 tbsp sugar
¼ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp cream of tartar
1 egg
½ tsp vanilla
1 ½ c. all-purpose flour
1 tsp cinnamon

1. Beat butter until fluffy.
2. Add 1 c. sugar, baking soda, and cream of tartar.
3. Beat until combined.
4. Add egg, vanilla, and flour.
5. Cover and chill 1 hr.
6. Combine 2 tbsp sugar with cinnamon.
7. Preheat oven 375°F.
8. Shape dough into 1" balls and roll each in cinnamon-sugar mixture.
9. Place balls 2" apart on ungreased cookie sheet.
10. Bake 10-11 min or until edges are golden.
11. Transfer to cooling rack or waxed paper to cool.