Cake Memorabilia

I was going through some old pictures the other day and they brought back a lot of memories. I figured that I would share some of them on here. Hopefully you'll get a few laughs out of it.

The Smurf Cake, see the recipe here.

Wait, don't cut it! I don't have a picture yet.

Yes, that is supposed to be a pumpkin.

Just a really weird cake.

It does taste better covered in wax, thank you very much.

Hey, who put their shoes on the table?

A very girly girl cake, complete with fluttering butterflies.

This is what happens when you travel over 100 miles with a cheesecake in your trunk in order to share a birthday with a hippy in a hotel room. It was a great night.

Proof that cakes can be beautiful and tasty without frosting.

And finally, why drink rum when you can get drunk by eating it?

The Ever Elusive Meatloaf

A great meatloaf recipe is like my own personal holy grail, a great treasure but never quite achieved. Both of my parents are excellent cooks. When I was a kid my Mama owned several classic recipe books, including the prerequisite giant Betty Crocker tome, stuffed full of clippings and notes. None of these was I actually allowed to touch. It was the Calling All Cooks, dogeared and slightly grimy from my Daddy's fingers, that was the first recipe book that I remember using. This book was relegated to him because the recipes were reader submitted which meant risky. Mama was and still is very practical and no nonsense when it comes to cooking. She simply didn't have time to fiddle with an untested recipe and then likely see it fail. Daddy was different. He saw it as a challenge. I think my enjoyment of all things culinary, that calming feeling of getting lost in cooking and of pouring over recipes, first began to take shape when serving as a sous chef in my Daddy's kitchen. Over the years I have tweaked and altered a recipe that came from the yellow Calling All Cooks until it really no longer resembles its origin. While it is good and receives gracious compliments from my friends and family, I still feel unsatisfied and will continue my seemingly never-ending quest.

Serves 4-6

Meatloaf

2 tbsp butter
1 large onion, finely chopped; reserve 1/4 c. for glaze
½ green bell pepper, finely chopped, reserve 2 tbsp for glaze
1 ½ tsp garlic, minced
2 eggs
¼ c. ketchup
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
½ c. heavy cream
2 c. fresh breadcrumbs
1 lb ground chuck
½ lb ground pork
1 packet beefy onion soup mix
¼ tsp pepper

1. In a skillet, melt the butter over medium-high heat.
2. Add onions and bell pepper.
3. Cook until vegetables are softened.
4. Add garlic and continue cooking for 2 minutes.
5. Remove from the heat. Set aside to cool slightly.
6. Preheat the oven to 350° F.
7. In a large bowl, combine all remaining ingredients and vegetable mixture.
8. Mix until just combined well. Do not over mix.
9. Press meat mixture firmly into a large loaf pan.
10. Top with glaze if desired.
11. Bake 45 min - 1 hour or until sauce is glazed and meatloaf is done through.
    
12. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Glaze

¼ c. canned tomatoes, chopped or crushed
¼ c. onion, finely chopped
2 tbsp green bell pepper, finely chopped
½ tsp garlic, minced
¼ c. canned tomato soup
½ tsp Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp red wine vinegar
¼ tsp pepper

1. In a small bowl, combine all ingredients. Mix well.
   
2. Pour the sauce over the uncooked meatloaf.

Rice Krispie Treats

I honestly don't know anyone who dislikes Rice Krispie Treats. How can you not like something with a name that contains the word "treat"? I know my Mom loved these; marginal cooking and extremely kid friendly. I mean, come on, can anyone say "Bake Sale"? There are many, many versions of these gooey wonders, some requiring way, way too much effort. I work just across from a bagel shop that sells giant, hunky squares of krispie marshmallow deliciousness as big as my hand. Back in the day, before adolescent dietary guidelines, the basket next to my lunch lady cashier was always full to the brim with tiny, slightly stale, cereal squares held together by what must have been a marshmallow substitute complete with plenty of high fructose corn syrup and trans fat. We as Americans love these squares of gooey goodness, for better or worse. I was completely surprised to learn recently that it's hard to find marshmallows in some countries. How can you not make or stock marshmallows? You need them for Rice Krispie Treats. You must have the Treats! Everyone loves the Treats!

As I seem to have had a slight stroke, probably from lack of sleep and copious amounts of caffeine and sugar, please bear with me. There is a recipe forthcoming, I promise. This concoction is almost totally straight from the cereal box. I seem to have a mental block when it comes to making these sweets though. I never can remember the right ratios and my little treats often tend to become super sweetened, buttered, crumbly cereal chunks. Not tasty. Thanks to David Lebovitz, however, I feel much more confident in my treat making ability. White chocolate, why did I never think of that? Aside from taste, the chocolate helps bind the other ingredients upon cooling, forming a structurally sound square. I use white almond bark, aka dipping/coating chocolate, because that's what I have in my pantry and I often have trouble finding white chocolate bars. Chips just don't melt right because of the lecithin, which is really the point of the additive anyway.

Makes 12-24 squares

1 ½ tbsp butter + enough to butter baking dish
1 square white almond bark, or 1 ½ oz white chocolate
5 oz mini marshmallows
3 c. Rice Krispies cereal

1. Butter an 8x8 square baking dish.
2. Place the butter in a medium-sized, microwave safe bowl. Heat until melted, ~30 sec on High.
3. Add the almond bark, or chocolate, to the butter. Continue heating at 30 sec intervals until just melted. Stir to combine.
4. Add the marshmallows and heat until puffed up and gooey, ~1 min on High. Stir until smooth.
5. Add the Rick Krispies. Stir well to coat completely.
6. Scrape mixture into prepared pan, cover loosely with plastic wrap, and press firmly into pan.
   
7. Cover. Allow to cool and firm up.
8. Cut into bars or squares. I've found that a metal spatula works great for this purpose.

Savory Mexican Rice

I used to be surprised when someone told me that they couldn't make rice. It seemed so easy, one of those elementary dishes that you start making when you're a kid. Then, more and more people told me that they had difficulty and, therefore, either used instant rice or avoided it all together. I reevaluated my opinion and finally chalked up my rice knowledge to my Daddy who was somewhat of a drill sergeant in the kitchen. "You have to learn to cook or you'll never find a husband." Right...

The quick and dirty of making rice is using a 2:1 ratio, twice as much liquid as uncooked rice. For 4 servings, you'd be safe with 2 cups of water and 1 cup of rice. Then, for long grained rice (the most popular variety used at home) all you need to remember is Boil, Cover, Reduce Heat, Cook 10 min, Let Stand 5 min, Fluff. This is called the absorption method. A couple of things to know are the more water you add and the more you stir it, the mushier and stickier your rice will be. Stirring releases starch within the rice; that's why risotto is cooked slowly and stirred a lot during cooking.

There are probably more varieties of rice than you care to know. Most of the common ones are just more or less processed; for example, brown rice simply contains the hull, or bran layer, that has been removed from your standard white rice. I briefly considered outlining the varieties here but opted to direct you to a company that does that for a living. Sage V Foods contracts directly with farmers to grow specialty varieties of rice and organic rice. Their site lists the more popular varieties. If Sage V doesn't satisfy you then I promise Wikipedia will.

Instant or quick cook rice has been precooked, usually steamed, and then dehydrated. While I personally don't like the texture offered by these precooked rices, they are getting better. Look for a brand that cooks up in 10 minutes. Any less and you'll be compromising quality for convenience.

This recipe leans a little away from your standard rice dish. It's great served with fajitas and black beans, which is what I designed it for. I love jasmine rice, a type of aromatic rice. Aromatics have a nutty flavor that I savor. Generally, you need to add about ½ cup more liquid when using jasmine rice as opposed to regular long grain. This dish calls for a good bit of saffron. I usually horde mine and then never end up using it. If you find saffron too expensive, substitute turmeric but be careful not to overwhelm the dish.

Serves 6-8

2 c. jasmine rice, uncooked

4 ½ c. chicken broth

½ can Rotel tomatoes and chilies (Mexican with cilantro and lime), finely chopped

good pinch saffron, 6-8 threads

2 tsp salt, more or less to taste

1. Combine all ingredients in medium saucepan.
   
2. Bring to boil, uncovered, over med-high heat.
   
3. Stir and shake pan to settle rice.
   
4. Cover, reduce heat to low.
   
5. Simmer 15 min and then turn off heat.
   
6. Let stand 5-10 min. Fluff with a fork.

To reheat rice:

Place only amount needed on serving plate. Sprinkle rice with water and then cover completely with a damp paper towel. Heat on High in microwave 2 min, stir, repeat as needed.

Rotel Dip

This super easy, hearty dip is almost a meal itself. Now that I think about it, yeah, I could probably sit down and eat a bowl full. My arteries would immediately seize up but you have to die of something, right? Never underestimate the appetites of your guests though. I turned around and it was gone, so sadly, no picture. Next time. (Updated since**) Imagine a creamy, off-yellow blend of cheese and sausage with flecks of red and green floating throughout. A southern dish with a definite southwest flair.

Make sure to serve this with a full-bodied chip, something that won't crumble under the weight of a pool full of warm, melted cheese and meat. Those little scoop chips, both tortilla and corn, work really well. I like to make this in a Crockpot, or as one of my friends calls it, a Slow Cooker. You can also use the microwave or stovetop. Remember to keep the heat ultra low and stir often. However you choose to melt things down, check on it frequently, maybe every 20-30 min during service, to check for burning. While cheese crisps are good, you don't want that here. It's no problem to keep the cheese warm for 6-8 hours before it starts to become dry as long as the dip remains covered.

Serves 6-8 as an appetizer

1 (10oz) can Rotel tomatoes and chilies (I use Original)
1 (32oz) block Velveeta cheese, cubed
1 lb sausage, cooked and crumbled

1. Combine all the ingredients in the Crockpot. Don't worry about stirring right away.
   
2. Set to Warm 30-45 min before guests are due. (If your Slow Cooker doesn't have a Warm setting, use Low for ~15 min)
3. Stir to combine as the cheese melts.
4. Once everything is melted and combined, it's ready to eat.
5. Vary the temperature between Warm/Low and OFF over the service time so that the cheese doesn't burn.

Buttery Birthday Cake

I make a lot of cakes. As my friends and I have gotten older and moved away from our parents, store bought cakes have become the norm. I feel guilty somehow to let my loved ones cut into a cake made without love on a special occasion. I, therefore, volunteer to make birthday, graduation, anniversary, and baby shower cakes, not to mention selling a cake here and there. I'm explaining all this so that you can share my annoyance and dismay when, last night, it took me 6 hours and 2 attempts to finish one two-layer birthday cake. Yes, you read it right, six hours. To put this into perspective, it took me 12 hours to make my three-tiered wedding cake, including decoration.

The main reason that my first attempt cake failed were the crappy baking pans. These happen to be my "new" pans, replacements for my old trusty ones. For some reason, I felt that my no-name, consistently good pans were sub par to Wilton brand ones. Wilton is THE name in baking, right? I purchased 2 round cake pans and 1 baking sheet. All of these are crap. They burn food, cook unevenly and tout themselves to be extremely non-stick, although food always sticks, even with greasing. I unsuccessfully pulled out all the tricks trying to make these pans work, including lowering temperatures and cooking times. The pans have been relegated to expensive garlic toast makers.















All of that aside, this butter cake was a birthday gift for one of my friends. (I love you man or I would have totally bought one of those grocery store cakes.) My second attempt, using my trusty, scratched-up, no-name pans was successful. I used a recipe from the Cake Bible for the actual cake and frosted it with my own Speedy Vanilla Bean Frosting. The cake itself is dense, buttery and melt-in-your-mouth if ever so slightly dry, although my friends were polite enough to disagree. The vanilla bean lends a perfumey, heady quality to the frosting that makes such a simple combination come alive and seem exotic.

We are children of the 80s and need our bursts of color. Our mothers injected enough food coloring into our little bodies so that if our birthday cake isn't some shade of cartoon character then we feel deprived. This cake was actually much more elegant before I chose to make it Smurf colored. But, hey, what are you going to do? At least we weren't born a decade earlier; the whole cake would have been a psychedelic, liquor-infused jello concoction and probably topped with coconut.

Makes one 9", 2 or 3 layer cake

6 egg yolks
1 c. milk
2¼ tsp vanilla
3 c. sifted cake flour
1½ c. sugar
1 tbsp + 1 tsp baking powder
¾ tsp salt
12 tbsp (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened

1. Preheat oven 350°F.
2. Grease and flour cake pans.
3. In a medium bowl, lightly combine egg yolks, ¼ c. milk, and vanilla.
4. In a separate bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Mix on low for 30 sec to blend.
5. Add butter and ¾ c. milk to the dry ingredients.
6. Mix on low until moistened. Increase speed to medium (high if using hand mixer) and beat for 1½ min.
7. Scrape down sides and add egg mixture in thirds, beating after each addition.
8. Pour batter into prepared pans, smoothing the surface.
9. Bake 25-35 min or until a toothpick comes out clean.
10. Cool in pans for 10 min, then cool completely on wire rack.
11. Frost as desired.

Speedy Vanilla Bean Buttercream Frosting

After my cake catastrophe, I didn't have time to make my planned Italian Buttercream Frosting. Last night, I just could not fathom making a syrup, streaming it into egg yolks and slowly adding butter to emulsify the whole thing. I wanted something quick, easy and preferably requiring only one bowl because after 2 cakes, most of my mixing bowls were in the dishwasher.

This modified method served my purpose well, providing me with a smooth, creamy frosting, if not exactly traditional. Matter of fact, most cooks usually use this method because true buttercreams are so time consuming. This method does leave you with a very light and very sweet frosting. I find that warming the half and half helps dissolve the sugar, making the frosting creamier. This frosting will keep about a week at room temperature and even longer in the fridge. If it is as hot and humid there as it is here, chilling it will make the frosting easier to work with. If you do decide to chill it, remember that the frosting will become stiffer because the butter will solidify some. You can either beat it lightly before using or add additional liquid to make it spreadable if you intend on keeping it cold. However you store it, cover the frosting tightly to prevent it from becoming crusty and dry.

Makes ~2 c., enough to frost one 9", 2 layer cake

1 c. butter, softened
4 c. powdered sugar
3 tbsp half & half
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 vanilla bean, scraped

1. Using a mixer, cream butter until light and fluffy.
2. Slowly add powdered sugar.
3. Continue beating until smooth.
4. Place half & half in a very small bowl or teacup.
5. Add vanilla bean caviar to half & half, then warm in microwave 15 sec on HIGH.
6. Add vanilla extract and half & half mixture to the creamed mixtured.
7. Beat to incorporate.

Creamy Chicken Dip

There's an old adage that says gossip is the highest form of flattery. If that's true then making someone else's recipe your own would be the highest form of culinary flattery. I commandeered this recipe after visiting a couple of our friends for Labor Day. I have to admit that I probably would never have thought of a dip like this on my own. I tend to lean more towards cheese or fruit when considering an appetizer. Despite all my preconceived notions, this chicken dip is so satisfying and easy to whip up that I couldn't help stealing the recipe.

Southerners absolutely love ranch. My husband was overwhelmed, I think, by the ranch mania when he first moved here from Michigan. I remember him exclaiming once, "do you guys (not y'all; he's a Yankee) put ranch in everything?!". Well, yes, we do put it in quite a few things. The ranch flavor of this recipe lends just enough of a back note that people wonder what it is they are tasting. I know I did when I first had it. Feel free to up the ranch dip mix if you want that "BANG, RANCH" flavor.

When I made it, I only had 4 oz of cream cheese in the fridge, so my dip was very loose. But you'll use the right amount and it'll be great! Thanks again Lanie!

Serves 4-6 as an appetizer

1 (10oz) can white meat chicken, drained
8oz cream cheese, softened
2 tbsp sour cream
2 tbsp mayonnaise
2 tsp ranch dip mix, more or less to taste

1. In a small bowl, stir chicken well to break up all of the chunks.
2. Add the cream cheese, sour cream, mayo and ranch.
3. Cream the ingredients together until you have a uniform mixture.
4. Cover and chill at least 4 hours.
5. Serve with crackers.

Fabulous Kahlua Brownies

Unfortunately for some, I'm not speechless very often. Being speechless is a very odd sensation, like your brain just suddenly went on vacation. You open your mouth meaning to say something, what, you have no idea. You close it again...open, nothing. If you've never experienced it yourself then you probably think I'm crazy but that's OK. I can take it. Last night, I was speechless. This weekend I'm having some friends over and I decided to make a cookie tray. I know brownies aren't exactly cookies but bear with me. So, of course, I had to make sure that what I was serving wasn't going to be poison or anything, hence the missing squares. Now, I have at least 3 very good brownie recipes. I make brownies EVERY year for the stupid Christmas party at work. Cut into little fingers, drizzled with melted chocolate and topped with candy, these never fail to astound my coworkers. Yes, people, brownies can be cut into fingers. They don't have to be squares. It's not rocket science here, not even advanced chemistry. This brownie though...my mouth just worked like a fish out of water, speechless. When my voice came back I turned to my husband and said, "pretty good, huh?". All he could do was nod.

This recipe is a variation from King Arthur Flour. It's fudgy and at the same time cakey. A contradiction in terms, maybe, but trust me, they are really, really good. You can double this if you like. Not a fan of Kahlua? Then just leave it out.

Makes 1 dozen 2" brownies

1/2 c. butter, melted
1 c. + 2 tbsp sugar
1/2 c. + 2 tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 1/2 tbsp Kahlua
2 eggs
3/4 c. all-purpose flour
1/2 c. walnuts, chopped or broken
1/2 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips (toss with 1 tbsp flour to help prevent sinking)

1. Preheat oven 350 F (325 F, glass)
2. Grease a 8x8" baking dish, set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, heat the butter and sugar on HIGH at 30 sec intervals in the microwave until hot but not boiling.
4. Stir well to help dissolve the sugar.
5. It won't all dissolve.
6. Stir in the cocoa, salt, baking powder, vanilla and Kahlua.
7. Add the eggs and continue stirring. The batter will start to become shiny and uniform.
8. Stir in the flour, just until combined well.
9. Add the nuts and chocolate chips.
10. Stir only until you no longer see any flour. Over-stirring will defeat the purpose of flouring the chips.
11. Bake 25-30 min or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean and the center is set.
12. Cool in pan and then cut into desired squares...or fingers!

Cookies and Cream Pie

Creamy, rich, smooth and cold. I have found this pie to be very crowd pleasing. This recipe can be modified for a wide variety of flavors. Change the pudding mix and extract to suit your fancy. I've made Coconut Cream, Banana Cream, Strawberry Cream, Strawberry-Banana Cream, on and on, with equally good results. For a super luscious Chocolate Cream Pie, melt 4oz of chocolate and blend it into the condensed milk before creaming. For fillings without pieces, i.e. not this particular variation, you can ensure a silky texture by forcing the filling through a sieve just before adding it to the pie shell.

Makes 1 - 9" pie, Serves ~ 8

4oz cream cheese, softened
7oz sweetened condensed milk
1 c. milk
1 (5oz) box instant cookies and cream pudding mix
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
** 1 pre-baked 9" deep dish pie shell

1 c. (½ pint) heavy whipping cream
~1 tbsp powdered sugar (more or less to taste)
* 2 tbsp white decorators gel (optional)

1. Cream together the cream cheese and sweetened condensed milk.
2. Slowly add the milk. Stir well.
3. Add pudding mix and vanilla.
4. Beat until the mixture becomes thickened. (~5 min)
5. Pour into pre-baked pie shell.
6. Chill at least 4 hours.

~2 hours before serving

1. Whip heavy cream until soft peaks form.
2. Add powdered sugar and whip until medium peaks form. Do not over beat.
3. Spread whipped cream evenly over filling.
4. Chill at least 1 hour.

* If you live in a particularly hot and/or humid area then you may want to stabilize the whipped cream to help prevent melting or weeping. This can be easily done by adding white decorators gel just before you beat the cream to medium peaks.

** You can either purchase a pre-baked pie shell or blind bake one yourself. To blind bake means simply to bake without anything in it. You usually do this for pies, such as cream pies, in which the filling remains uncooked.

1. Preheat the oven to 375°F.
2. Prick the inner surface, including the sides, all over with a fork. This allows steam to escape and insures your nice shape remains nice.
3. Combine the white of 1 egg with 1 tsp water.
4. Gently brush the edges with the egg white mixture.
5. Sprinkle the rim lightly with sugar. (Skip this step for savory pies.)
6. Form a circle of aluminum foil and place inside the shell.
7. Fill the foil enclosure with either uncooked rice or dry beans.
8. Press down slightly on the filler.
9. Place the pie shell on a cookie sheet and bake 10-12 min or until the crust begins to turn golden.
10. Carefully remove the filler by grasping the edges of the foil and lifting the entire package out.
11. Continue baking the shell 2-5 min or until dry. If the edges begin to over-brown loosely cover the shell with a sheet of foil.